Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.