I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?