Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (240)

Last Night in Maryland (240)

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(240): View more from Maryland

Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.

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Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.

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(240): Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird. (434): Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls. http://tfl.nu/td3o

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I swear they were about to hook up!!

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I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.

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(240): I swear they were about to hook up!! (1-240): I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot. http://tfl.nu/yhvp

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YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.

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(240): YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN. http://tfl.nu/d5pr

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she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.

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(240): she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes. http://tfl.nu/9p5u

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and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.

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(240): and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore. http://tfl.nu/oorw

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Apparently you can coat check a keg.

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(240): Apparently you can coat check a keg. http://tfl.nu/sdmi

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Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here

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(240): Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here http://tfl.nu/mwmy

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Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.

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(240): Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid. http://tfl.nu/9wdm

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the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference

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(240): the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference http://tfl.nu/iojb

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Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden

(202): View more from Washington, DC

She's got a legit dose of dude going on

(240): View more from Maryland

No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.

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(240): Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden (202): She's got a legit dose of dude going on (240): No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne. http://tfl.nu/qro2

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We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.

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(240): We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/70u9

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All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.

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(240): All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson. http://tfl.nu/a7nh

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planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?

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(240): planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you? http://tfl.nu/bdmu

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Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.

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(240): Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me. http://tfl.nu/zpby

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To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light

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(240): To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light http://tfl.nu/8hcx

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Last Night in Maryland (240)

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