WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!