Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
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You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
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Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob