Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Maryland (240)

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  the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference

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  (240): the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference http://tfl.nu/iojb
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  Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden

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  She's got a legit dose of dude going on

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  No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.

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  (240): Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden (202): She's got a legit dose of dude going on (240): No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne. http://tfl.nu/qro2
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  We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.

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  (240): We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/70u9
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  All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.

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  (240): All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson. http://tfl.nu/a7nh
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  planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?

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  (240): planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you? http://tfl.nu/bdmu
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  Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.

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  (240): Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me. http://tfl.nu/zpby
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  To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light

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  (240): To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light http://tfl.nu/8hcx
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  I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy

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  (240): I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy http://tfl.nu/3nw9
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  The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.

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  (240): The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week. http://tfl.nu/o9bn
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  I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.

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  (240): I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks. http://tfl.nu/t0i5
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  im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.

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  (240): im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself. http://tfl.nu/qkn1
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  When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.

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  (240): When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again. http://tfl.nu/1y07
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  my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.

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  (240): my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight. http://tfl.nu/cb14
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  Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.

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  (240): Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic. http://tfl.nu/gchg
  Replies (5) Good night (3956) Bad night (1253)
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  One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.

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  (240): One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order. http://tfl.nu/2w08
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