He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Who put my cat in the fridge?