you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"