threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Too much gin, very little bucket
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.