I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
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So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
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But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.