I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
two words: eviction party
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.