The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
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Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
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Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.