I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I chose taco bell over sex...
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Plural? Please tell.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.