I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
two words: eviction party
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.