Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.