I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked