Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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