Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.