I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
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And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
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He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?