Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
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do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
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What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.