The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?