gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
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Mattress luging...It's a long story.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
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I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?