You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
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Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
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We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.