Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Virginia (703)

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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar

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  (703): Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar http://tfl.nu/zrm3
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  Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.

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  (703): Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea. http://tfl.nu/zyyz
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  the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.

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  Wow. You named your rash.

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  (703): the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch. (717): Wow. You named your rash. http://tfl.nu/cxl6
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  I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.

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  (703): I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes. http://tfl.nu/8kb3
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  Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.

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  (703): Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U. http://tfl.nu/bimg
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  I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge

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  (703): I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge http://tfl.nu/z423
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  I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.

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  (703): I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is. http://tfl.nu/7kmq
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  So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...

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  oh

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  (248): So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine... (703): oh http://tfl.nu/2rig
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  I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going

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  (703): I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going http://tfl.nu/4frq
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  He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.

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  (703): He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations. http://tfl.nu/6vv2
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  After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"

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  (703): After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken" http://tfl.nu/pqky
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  Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.

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  (703): Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life. http://tfl.nu/38t1
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  Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend

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  (703): Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend http://tfl.nu/gm3r
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  I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.

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  (703): I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever. http://tfl.nu/hego
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  She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine

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  (703): She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine http://tfl.nu/jb79
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