Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.