i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.