I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex