Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
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THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
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Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?