You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
So squirting runs in the family.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne