He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".