So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i want to swaddle you in tequila