He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I spit up blood this morning
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
she told me i tasted like america