Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
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The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I spit up blood this morning
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia