I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.