You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
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OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
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Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...