I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.