She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
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it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
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And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.