Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
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It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
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he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.