When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.