Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Massachusetts (617)

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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital

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  (617): i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital http://tfl.nu/4e4x
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  He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef

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  Yo quero taco bell

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  (857): He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef (617): Yo quero taco bell http://tfl.nu/9ye7
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  If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno

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  (617): If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno http://tfl.nu/05ob
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  I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does

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  (617): I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does http://tfl.nu/o8tg
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  Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky

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  (617): Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky http://tfl.nu/3bkx
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  Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.

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  (617): Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it. http://tfl.nu/fza1
  Replies (9) Good night (701) Bad night (1106)
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  So, were they human bite marks at least?

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  Your guess is as good as mine.

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  (617): So, were they human bite marks at least? (434): Your guess is as good as mine. http://tfl.nu/gi39
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  OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him

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  (617): OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him http://tfl.nu/b4mt
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  Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.

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  (617): Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place. http://tfl.nu/haup
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  There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there

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  (617): There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there http://tfl.nu/2ki5
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  I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol

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  (617): I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol http://tfl.nu/guix
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  All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.

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  (617): All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you. http://tfl.nu/zb33
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  I cannot find my penis.

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  (617): I cannot find my penis. http://tfl.nu/w331
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  i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine

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  (617): i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine http://tfl.nu/ryw8
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  Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin

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  (617): Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin http://tfl.nu/g5qp
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