you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
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at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
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thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.