I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
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My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
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at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.