I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
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There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
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I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"