my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.