He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.