I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.