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Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I could make wine with my vomit
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
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