College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
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I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
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Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.