I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
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21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
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I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one