my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing