i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.