Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
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her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
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Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.