She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
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You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
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Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze