Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.