2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt