He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?