My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too