she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
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Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
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Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.