couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.