Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.