I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
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Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
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The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day