I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.