Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.