I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery