Texts From Last Night

Last Night in New York (516)

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  (516): View more from New York

  Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.

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  (516): Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America. http://tfl.nu/zzy7
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  Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites

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  Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?

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  (516): Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites (1-516): Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class? http://tfl.nu/4qhs
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  Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg

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  Omg suz!! take the unibrow off

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  No! im just getting hammered instead

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  (516): Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg (410): Omg suz!! take the unibrow off (516): No! im just getting hammered instead http://tfl.nu/mscr
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  Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.

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  (516): Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city. http://tfl.nu/k96c
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  Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.

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  True life - we need to smoke together more often

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  (516): Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters. (1-516): True life - we need to smoke together more often http://tfl.nu/s2bm
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  Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I

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  (516): Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I<3 NY. http://tfl.nu/f30c
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  Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.

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  (516): Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper. http://tfl.nu/eehy
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  So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."

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  (516): So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming." http://tfl.nu/t69x
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  check it out our google latitudes are spooning

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  (516): check it out our google latitudes are spooning http://tfl.nu/t63m
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  I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.

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  (516): I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears. http://tfl.nu/nh7v
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  whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?

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  (516): whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"? http://tfl.nu/wiv5
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  is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?

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  (516): is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is? http://tfl.nu/4m9k
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  I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar

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  (516): I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar http://tfl.nu/ulgt
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  U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by

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  (516): U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by http://tfl.nu/oseu
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  Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.

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  (516): Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper. http://tfl.nu/j9dy
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