He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?