Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Edward fifth and chaser hands
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...