I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary