You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
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Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.