I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.