Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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