video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
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One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Success! We fucked roommates!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I think my moral compass just broke
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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