Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.