we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
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Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
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It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school