Texts From Last Night

Last Night in California (310)

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  If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.

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  (310): If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth. http://tfl.nu/s1or
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  i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works

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  (310): i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works http://tfl.nu/taju
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  Why did I cab home last night?

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  Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.

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  (310): Why did I cab home last night? (1-310): Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker. http://tfl.nu/2rna
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  Ambien. No doubt about it.

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  (310) Ambien. No doubt about it. http://tfl.nu/jq44
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  Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?

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  (310): Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away? http://tfl.nu/o5qu
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  I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase

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  (310): I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase http://tfl.nu/ni6z
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  I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one

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  (310): I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one http://tfl.nu/kvjq
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  Sorry I couldn't get my dick out

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  (310): Sorry I couldn't get my dick out http://tfl.nu/ywcl
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  So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?

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  (310): So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops? http://tfl.nu/jkax
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  So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best

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  and??

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  Cake is only good when you eat it

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  (559): So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best (310): and?? (559): Cake is only good when you eat it http://tfl.nu/ifoq
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  ...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.

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  (310): ...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have. http://tfl.nu/9vj6
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  i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son

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  (310): i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son http://tfl.nu/uvhv
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  I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.

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  (310): I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there. http://tfl.nu/gafs
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  I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.

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  (310): I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them. http://tfl.nu/3swr
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  Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.

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  good choice.

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  (818): Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station. (310): good choice. http://tfl.nu/xzs8
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