Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Apple has a Lot to Explain to iPhone X Customers
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
People Asked The Internet Questions About their Private Parts And The Results Are Hilarious
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.