I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
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I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
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where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole