so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.