Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.