can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.