I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk