just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
vagina is talking i cant
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter