My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
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then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
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i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.