Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.