I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
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It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
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legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.