After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?