The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?