This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.