Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it