you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
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It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
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well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams