Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps