Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.