I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness