bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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