I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010