She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
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I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
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He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game