Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just found puke in my bra..
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands