Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"